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If you don't know, I've moved to Tumblr

Posted [sticky post] on 2013.06.23 at 18:43
So I haven't posted here in forever and will probably not post here ever again. Yeah. Same name over at Tumblr.

Not that anyone cares...


The things of the past.

Posted on 2011.12.05 at 15:08
I feel: pensivepensive
I don't talk much about the negative things that happened in school when I was younger. I have repressed most of it, only remembering bits and pieces, and I don't have the big picture of what was going on.
To be honest, I don't remember much of my childhood at all. Some people tell stories about their childhood and it seems so vivid. Most of my memories are contained in pictures or stories the family tell. There are still a few that linger and are as vibrant as when they happened.

I have read about triggers. Things that trigger memories deep in the mind. I experienced a trigger this weekend. I haven't been bullied for the last 10 years but the things some friends said, in my home, brought me right back. I didn't understand at first what the feelings were but the more I felt them, the more I knew what they were. Needless to say, I didn't want to spend my evening with them. I locked myself in the bedroom and distracted myself with some Faberry, Tumblr and Twitter. It wasn't until they all left, silence fell and K came to bed that the dam broke.

I don't like to cry. I feel vulnerable. Naked. You can see my hurt and I don't like sharing that with anyone. I don't see myself as weak therefor people can't see me when I am weak.

But it hurt so much.

Remembering how I used to cry every recess because classmates were saying nasty stuff to me.
Remembering the times I didn't want to go to school because the kids were cruel to me.
Remembering when I refuted friendship because I didn't feel like I was worth it.
Remembering the thoughts that haunted the young me, thoughts of self-harm, of ending my run on earth.

But I also remembered the anger. The fire that rose in me. That was the only thing that stopped the tears. I knew that I was stronger than them because I didn't have to tear people down to make myself feel better. I wanted to make people feel better instead.

I succeeded in my mission. Music in a universal language and that was my thing. I could be a good friend with, and through, music.

Most of the bullying ended when I was 15. I still got comments and probably still get comments but I know that I am better. I am not petty and locked inside a narrow mind of pettiness, racism and homophobia.

And for what it's worth, it does get better. It may not go the way you thought, wished for, envisioned or wanted, but it does most definitely get better.

Also, love. Live your life with love and love will come to you.


Macy'sThanksgiving Day Parade

Posted on 2011.11.24 at 15:58
I feel: happyhappy
I'm not American but damn this is fun.

The atmosphere, people gathering the thousands. Giant geese and fun floats. Definitely want to experience it in person one day.

Anyway, back to the live feed. Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!



Posted on 2011.11.21 at 10:18
I feel: amusedamused
Mr. Shue's pick: Michael Bublé - Cold December Night | Powered by
Dreams are weird.

Job hunting is killing me. I need to find something now. Anything.

LoZ Skyward Sword is amaah-zing(Thank you Penny from Happy Endings for that). Got the Limited Ed. with the Wii mote and 25th anniversary CD. Been playing it with K non-stop when both are home at the same time. There's been a lot of wank with the ratings but it is a 9/10 game. We still haven't finished it, got long ways to go, but if it keeps this up it'll be 10/10.

Been playing a ton of Batman Arkham Asylum too. Overloading the computer. Graphic card is working overtime... Glad I installed two good fans in the chassis, keeps the overall temp down. Need to clean it out though. Probably dusty as hale.

Christmas mood deluxe! Best Christmas albums of this year are Christmas by Michael Bublé and Under the Mistletoe by Justin Bieber.
Yes, I listen to Bieber.
The She & Him album is ok, very muzac-y, ok for background but not for actively listening to it. The Glee X-mas album vol 2 is... Mediocre. It has it moments but... Vol 1 is better.

I finally picked up my new/old trumpet. It works! I can play on it! Will clean it up and hang it on the wall. Memo: Buy trumpet wall hanger. Also picked up the banjo. The dude had forgotten to do it so he did it real fast and didn't charge for it. :D I have to tune it and start learning how to play!

I also need some breakfast. Also, I love Twitter. It's my new best friend but I'll never leave you LJ.


This summer

Posted on 2011.10.09 at 13:21
I feel: nostalgicnostalgic
Mr. Shue's pick: P!nk - Please Don't Leave Me | Powered by
Here is what I did this summer:

Summer started with the HBTQ-festival(LGBTQ). Two weeks of managing two information centers we had. It was intense and had me going all day long. It was fun and I met a lot of people and I learned a thing or two about organizing stuff. The festival made me decided that I didn't want to go to Stockholm Pride because I was out of the home so much and I didn't want to be away from K more than I already had.

I failed in school. Miserably.

I went to Way out West, the best music festival in Sweden and one of the best in Europe. I got to see a fair amount of artist.
-Janelle Monae was pure energy and showmanship. It was fun, scary, intense and most of all entertaining. She absolutely slayed and she and her band were so tight that it was a musical orgy. Basically I loved it.
-iamamiwhoami was the weirdest thing I've seen ever. Let's say that it had stop motion video of toilet paper rolls in various states of intercourse. That weird yes.
-Pulp was the band that surprised me most. Jarvis Cocker made a new fan that day. Giving beer and candy to the audience, the best small talk between songs ever and actually really good and fun music.
-The Hives was... Interesting. Howlin' Pelle was maybe a tad too cocky and I think they played maybe too early in the day.
-Robyn was the queen of the festival. It was a tight, well rehearsed and a perfectly executed concert. It was almost a religious experience, the bass pumping way too loud, the crowd dancing like crazy, sing-a longs and her energy gave us energy as our energy gave her energy. Just brilliant.
-Kanye West was the king to Robyn's queen. Bombastic, louder than life, eccentric persona. He spit hard, he spit with emotion, he spit with the brilliance of a thousand suns... Seriously, it was so good. The crowd was crazy and seeing predominately white, 20-something boys "rapping" along was... surreal. 20 000 people throwing their diamonds in the sky was hilarious and the general crowd part of the concert was weird and unreal. Kanye just slayed. I had gotten myself pretty far in front but not enough and as I said before, lots and lots of dudes and I am so short I barely saw what was going on on stage so after an hour I retreated back. My feet where killing me, it was the last thing I was going to do before heading to a bed and sleep so I went far, far back, laid down on the grass and enjoyed the rest of the concert on the screens they had up.

There were more artist like Prince and Wiz Khalifa but I just caught glimpses of them. Prince looked tiny on stage. Wiz kinda pissed me off. I heard people going crazy over Tiësto and I saw another dude, Jamie Woon, he was... whiny. My ear caught some Thåström and it wasn't fantastic. Over all my first Way out West was pleasant and filled with great music and concerts.

I finished the summer in Tranås doing mostly nothing. Not the most exhilarating summer but it was ok.


Do you have a fast car...

Posted on 2011.10.02 at 18:47
Tags: ,

Hi. Been quite a while since I updated. Honestly, I hang way too much on livejournal but I just browse my f-list and ONTD. Not enough updating. But then again there is not much to update about. I'm looking for a full time job, NFL is awesome this year, TV season has started and I'm sitting in a car.

K bought an iPad after playing with a friends iPad for a month. Our macforum had an offer she couldn't resist. It's a very nifty thing. It has 3G but we haven't bought a sim card yet so I just tether it to my phone. I do have unlimited data so I might as well use it. But the best thing on it is GarageBand.

GarageBand is this nifty app for $4.99 that allow you to basically make music directly on the iPad. That way it's different from the iLife app to the desktop/laptop. It has smart bass, guitar, drums and piano. Those allow you to record progressions, beats and riffs. It has a sampler that gives hilarious results and if you have the camera connection kit you can connect a USB synthesizer. You can connect your guitar to it too, unfortunately my guitar doesn't have battery but as soon as I have it I will try it out. It has a rather large loop library that can give you fills or random sounds. You can only record 8 tracks but that's enough for small projects. You can import them to GarageBand on your MacBook or as an AAC file for instant music!
I really like it and it's easy to use. Highly recommend it.

So here I am, in the car, on our way home from Tranås using the ljapp and uploading by tethering to my iPhone.

Shit son, Apple for life.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.


Oh hai lj, long time no write!

Posted on 2011.07.22 at 20:18
I feel: enthralledenthralled
Mr. Shue's pick: Kanye West - Lost in the World (feat. Bon Iver) | Powered by
Have gotten hardcore into Mister George R. R. Martin's epic A Song of Ice and Fire. The show was visual crack and now the books are crack on dead trees. About halfway through the second book and I can't seem to keep away from spoilers. Watched the San Diego Comic Con panel, awesome. Except Martin should be locked up in a room writing book six. Seriously don't want him to keel over and die before he finishes the last books.

Going to a wedding tomorrow. Still don't know what to wear. Meh.

Feel like I'm going to cry when the NFL lockout is lifted, it's been going on for long enough and I wantz me some fucking football!

Been playing Bully on the computer, seems like I'll actually finish the game this time unlike the time I played it on the PS2. I might even start working my way through the stupidly large catalog I've built on Steam. But Half Life is scary and Batman is freaking hard. Maybe I'll finish LEGO Batman first. Yes, good plan.

Saw Harry Potter part 7 part 2 last week. Midnight release. Was awesome. Cried but didn't bawl. I guess I got all my bawling out when I finished the book. But it was awesome. And I can say I went to the midnight releases for the last book and movie.

Contemplating getting my book and continuing reading, it's just that I seriously don't know where K is or when she's coming home. And I want to read in bed but I washed everything today so I'd have to make it and I'm lazy...


This year

Posted on 2011.06.20 at 16:00
Mr. Shue's pick: Jenny Lewis - The Next Messiah | Powered by
This year is halfway done already. I can't actually believe it.



Posted on 2011.03.05 at 17:32


Me doing crazy things.

Posted on 2011.02.09 at 16:57
I forgot how to leave: Sweden, Göteborg
I feel: weirdweird
Mr. Shue's pick: Glee Cast - Can't Fight This Feeling | Powered by
Like buying expensive things. More precisely a very expensive jacket. A replica of the GLEE varsity jacket.
Insane? Yes. But it's so pretty. And I can totally cosplay Puck if I wanted to.
I have a thing for baseball/varsity/letterman jackets at the moment. Wanted one for years so I saw a pretty one and it fit pretty good so I got it. I have my eyes on one on Tradera(Swedish eBay) also. Another replica but from the movie Beverly Hills Cop, the one Eddie Murphy wore. It would, if I buy it, bring me one step closer to owning some paraphernalia from every NFL team. It has the Detroit Lions logo all over it.

Speaking of the NFL, the Super Bowl was amazing. Lea Michele sang beautiful, Christina Aguilera was mostly awful and the game itself was awesomesauce. I've been wearing my #4 Packer jersey since Sunday. I know it's Brett's number but it's the only thing I have(and he was with the Packers when I bought it OK!) that's Green Bay. Hm, now that Brett has retired(FORREAL THIS TIME) I might go back to the Packers. I honestly have to cut down the amount of games I watch during a season.
So here I am proclaiming my allegiances.

I will follow only four teams and these are the following: The Indianapolis Colts, The Green Bay Packers, The Cleveland Browns and The New York Giants. If I want to see another match up than ones with these teams I will drop a game in favor of another.

I would try to make a resolution about my computer habits but we all know that's not going to be followed one bit.

On a completely different subject, I've been offered to be a "site manager" at the HBTQ festival here in Gothenburg. I'd be managing the information centers and the volunteers that will work there. I'm debating weather to take it or not. It'll be fun and all but I'll be working and studying on top of it. They gave me a week to thing about it. We'll see.

Also, give me all yous twitter so I can follow you. :)

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